Foreverever?

I asked him what forever meant.

He said forever is till the end that you can't even see. Forever is 24 hours, but it restarts every 24 hours.

I pulled him close and kissed his eyes.

I'm not sure
that there are any words
in any language
that can
possibly describe
what its like
to feel another human heart
beating underneath your hand.
When your hand
is on the chest
of another breathing person,
someone else who is
alive like you,
and their heart is beating
and you can feel the pulse,
it's weird
and beautiful.

Ice

Last night I received another little droplet of wisdom from the big man in front of the big door (although this time around, my heart and head were not being pulled in three different directions. I was as grounded as I could be with wine for blood). He said to me, "Don't shed your tears for just any man. Your tears are like diamonds. And diamonds? They expensive."

Amazing.

Time Machine

On my way to somewhere new today, I took a wrong turn. A mistake in terms of space is easily remedied, however, so I quickly turned around, walked to a place where I felt comfortable, and re-oriented myself.

If only a mistake in terms of time was as easy to fix. If only, upon realizing that I made a bad decision somewhere along the line, if only I could stop in my tracks and head backwards through time to a place where I felt more comfortable. I'd probably stop somewhere well before the unfortunate decision was made, so that I could give myself a nice soft cushion to think things through.

Then again, if I had just stayed on the path after that wrong turn, who knows what new things I'd have seen.

Ecstasy

One night, when my head was being pulled in three opposite directions, and my heart didn't quite know which way to follow, a large man standing by a large door christened me "The Widow-Maker." I looked at him curiously. "The Widow-Maker?" I said. "Why?" He looked at me with suspicion, from the side, squinty-eyed. "There's something about you," he said, "You be breaking men's hearts and leaving they women widows."

When you find someone who makes you happy, and your love for them glows golden and keeps you separate from the rest of the world, it's quite natural that you should want to shout it from the rooftops. Indeed, just about the only thing you want to do when you're in love is tell everyone in earshot every detail about the perfectness of your union. The small problem with wanting to do this, however, is that there is no one - not even your closest friends - who really wants to hear that shit.

If you do choose to tell them, they'll pretend to listen, of course. They'll nod and smile, and say something like, "I'm so happy for you!" while they're putting together to-do lists in their head. But they don't really care. And they certainly don't really understand. So, you bite your tongue hard and keep it to yourself, even though it's probably all you can think of.

And this is why lovers never run out of things to talk about.

February

Gross month. The month of gray days and snowstorms and nights so frigid you can see the cold in the air. Of lonely mornings and winter blues and seasonal affective disorder. Of hallmark holidays and cheap chocolate and flowers that die too early.

At least it's short.